The Count of Greenland

Oh boy, buckle up, folks – because in a world where certain politicians daydream about slapping a "For Sale" sign on entire countries like they're flipping real estate in Monopoly, we've got a tale that's equal parts educational and awe inspiring. 

Who-would-like-to-be-the-Count-of-Greenland? I thought you would never ask :) But first, the real count...ing, actually. We're talking numbers, mittens, and a counting system that's way cooler than base-10 boredom.

Numbers 1–10 in Greenlandic: meet...other Digits

Okay, okay, the title's a tad clickbait-y:

1. ataaseq (ᐊᑖᓯᖅ) – Starting simple, like that one time a politician promised a wall and... yeah, never mind.

2. marluk (ᒪᕐᓗᒃ) – Two, as in the number of brain cells it takes to suggest buying a sovereign territory. (We also use it for a 2-colored deck in the Skiin Kayak Designer.)

3. pingasut (ᐱᖓᓱᑦ) – Three, or the strikes you're out after alienating allies.

4. sisamat (ᓯᓴᒪᑦ) – Four, like the corners of the treaties you'd be shredding.

5. tallimat (ᑕᓪᓕᒪᑦ) – Five fingers on a hand. Very practical.

6. arfinillit (ᐊᕐᐸᓯᓪᓕᑦ) – Five-plus-one. Switching hands, because why not? More flexible that way.

7. arfinneq marluk (ᐊᕐᐸᓐᓂᖅ ᒪᕐᓗᒃ) – Literally "the second number on the next hand" (5+2). Genius-level efficiency.

8. arfinneq pingasut (ᐊᕐᐸᓐᓂᖅ ᐱᖓᓱᑦ) – (5+3). Building on basics, not bulldozing them.

9. qulingiluat / arfineq pingayunneq (ᖁᓕᖏᓗᐊᑦ / ᐊᕐᐸᓐᓂᖅ ᐱᖓᔪᓐᓂᖅ) – (10-1) or (5+4). Options!

10. qulit (ᖁᓕᑦ) – The base for decimals, meaning "the top ones" (all fingers up). High-ten to that!

    At this point, the keen reader may have observed the beautiful Greenlandic letters which represent wovels and "should be easy to learn". Yeah. I read somewhere that a missionary in the beginning of the last century helped developing the letters but I can't find the source any more so Wikipedia will do. We are told they are not used but put them in here to spice things up. And they are pretty.

How the system works, or "The greatness of the Count"

This isn't just random syllables—it's a hand-counting that makes you wonder why we ever bothered with learning old Arabic numerals. The names spill the beans on the vibe:

• Arfinillit (6) comes from arfik ("the one on the other side")—like flipping to the backup hand when the first one's full.

• 7 and 8 are arfinneq ("the one on the other side") plus 2 or 3. Straightforward addition, no calculator math required as in Denmark's numbers. Sorry guys, we love you, but your numbers? Not so much.

• 9? Either subtract one from 10 or add 4 to 5. Versatile, like a good alliance that adapts without breaking.

• Qulit (10) means "the top ones," nodding to all ten fingers. After that, it shifts to base-20 vibes technically but is apparently not much used: 15 should be aqqaneq-tallimat (5 past 10), and 20 used to be inuk naallugu ("a full person"—fingers and toes). Because why stop at hands when you've got feet? It's efficient, body-positive counting that puts our lazy decimal system to shame.

• But, and it's a big but. Let's go crazy from 12!... your ass is on your own, because the numbers go full Danish on us. Because of course they do, why didn't I think of that? Could have sold lots of algebra courses...

And now for the Other Count: history's got jokes too

To justify that snarky title (and shame the modern pretender's history knowledge), there was a real Count back in the day. It's not Black Adder, nor Jack Black, I think. Enter Erik the Red's son, Leif Erikson, who got dubbed Count of Greenland by Norwegian King Olaf I around 999 AD.

But here's the plot twist, hinting at heathens, e.g. VIkings, being more equal than most of the world today: After Leif kicked the bucket, the title went to his sister-in-law, Gudrid Thorbjarnardóttir, making her Europe's first female Countess, and of Greenland at that. 

Boom! Girl power in the 11th century :) Legend has it she travelled 8 times across the Atlantic (a thousand years ago, in open boats, maybe you should try it?) and after giving birth to the first “westerner” child in the Americas, Snorri Finnlaugson (and yes, snorre is Swedish for little dick, no kiddin'), she went to Rome and became a nun. Maybe we shortened the story a little here... but... hats and tuilik hoods off!

Gudrid has been described by modern historians as “the most traveled woman of the Middle Ages,” reflecting both the number and range of her journeys. Anyways, the Count(ess) title lingered among the Norse elite until their Greenland settlements fizzled out around 1450, mostly because of climate change. (Thanks, Wikipedia)

So, did you learn anything?

Here's an interesting and amusing history lecture vid by Thoughty2.

How does your language handle counting? I hear some do wild stuff—like French with its "four twenties" for 80 (quatre-vingts) – but I always mix 'em up with the Danish base 20. Drop your funky number examples in the comments, even if they're basic to you. Who knows, it might educate a lurking politico.